I hate this game of tiptoeing around my music, trying to avoid certain songs which will bring back certain memories that I don't want to think about right now, but then trying not to play the same albums over and over again for fear they'll take on the taint of this depression and be themselves depressing sometime later. I have lots of music but somehow none of it seems quite right -- I can't play anything too sad, or too happy, or too poignantly Colgate-flavored. Bad Religion and John Vanderslice are getting a lot of play, and the most recent Sleater-Kinney too, but I'm afraid I'll play them into the ground and ruin them for me for a long time. But what else is there to do but listen to music? What else to break the silence all day? I will play these four albums over and over until I know every breath and every word, I will sing with them even when my voice is breaking and try to channel some of this glut of emotion to somewhere outside of me, and in the end maybe I'll feel like I've connected with something human and intimate today after all.