Denial

Sometimes I wonder where I'm heading exactly. I feel that I am intelligent, but not intelligent enough in any one thing to be fully successful at it. I learn incredibly fast how to do things, but for some reason never quite get to mastery level. I don't think it's due to laziness per se, I honestly have no idea what the deal is.

I teach a subject (intro level, but still) for three years and can't pass a test on said subject. I can talk physics all day long but can't pass a test on it. Does that make me the opposite of Marilyn Vos Savant? She can pass a test on anything, but can talk all day. The difference? Her you want to punch in the face. I think she's my rival. More another time.

I do the family thing ok, but can't quite get that thing right. I think I'm developing some ostritch mechanism that can't quite be figured out. Now the plus side is I don't feel that I am drowning in sand, though keeping your head under it for this long one ought to really.

So, the future. Quarterlife crisis? Nah, no way I'm making it to 100. Heck, my body going numb on the highway shows that's not happening. I seem to have this ongoing battle with certainty. Not that I have something against life's little mysteries, but it'd be nice to have a good solid foundation. Some bed rock. Even fresh stuff. Pahoehoe would be cool. I like pahoehoe. I digressed again. I guess that's my "thing". That and typos.